Hi, it's been a while!

I know it's been a while since we last visited. For a while there life was peaceful and boring so I had nothing new that inspired me to write but I can feel the old creativity flowing again so this is the first of several blog updates I will be doing in the next little bit.

I would like to start off by saying things are really, really good right now. My appliance has been working very well, I've been enjoying food again for the first time in quite a while and I'm looking forward to our upcoming slo-pitch season and some good parties.

In fact - here's a before picture of me (pre-surgery and quite ill) and also a newer picture of me. You can see how much "healthier" aka chubby and not so pale I look.

Anyway, onto the fun stuff.

Story # 1

I flew to Grande Prairie for work not long ago. It was a day trip only, I love those because I only bring my purse and a book and my work stuff but no luggage, I get to park in the cool covered parkade right across from the terminal and I go through the FlyThru security lane which always has less passengers.

Anyways - this particular morning I was there at 6:30 a.m. and it's the time that most people are traveling. For anyone familiar with the Edmonton airport the security line up was wrapped around the Harvey's. Luckily for me the FlyThru lane which is reserved for people doing same day flying for business only had 3 people in it! I was thanking my luck and putting my purse on the belt to be scanned thinking that it wasn't going to be so bad. At least I didn't have to stand in line and wait for an hour to get through security.

I'm not sure what I could have done differently but as I went through the scanner I beeped. Nothing too concerning it was just a zipper on my pants. But as my female security guard was doing the whole wand thing she asked me "do you have a belt on under your shirt?"

YES! I wear an ostomy belt, it's a groovy little belt that helps keep things in place while I move around and go about daily chores.

So I quietly said yes it's an ostomy belt. She looked at me and said quietly, "we're going to have to do a little search on you."

I wasn't too concerned, no big deal right? YEAH - until in the loudest screaming voice you can possibly imagine she shouts past about 200 other business passengers

"I NEED A FEMALE CSO HERE FOR A BODY SEARCH!" I don't know what CSO actually stands for - probably some kind of security officer but to me it stands for "Can't Shout lOuder"

I mean for Christ sake. What is the point of screaming? Especially since the girl who came over to help was about two feet away and could have heard the request even if it had have been whispered.

On top of that every single passenger in the line snapped their heads around so quickly I thought some of them would have gotten whiplash to give me the ol' "I wonder what she's smuggling in her bra" look.

And by the way I will have you know that these babies are au natural they were just on vacation while I was ill. As the t-shirt says "I put the double-d's in St. Paddy's day."

So these two women pull my stuff off the security line and take me to a tiny room that's in full view of all the other passengers, shut the door and the search begins.

Don't get me wrong, I supported the request for the search. Turns out the new drug smuggling technique is to wear an ostomy flange and pouch and bring in a bunch of cocaine. The ladies and I were chatting as they checked me over to make sure the pouch was full of poo and not pot.

But after I got set free I had to hang out with everyone who was in the security line at the gate. A few of them even pointed and whispered about me to their friends.

To make things worse - I was fogged in the Edmonton Airport for 3 hours along with everyone else. By the end of it I pretty much wanted to lift my shirt up and throw poop at everyone from my pouch like some crazy monkey animal.

Story # 2

This one is a little grosser but funnier too. To rinse out the pouch you put a little bit of water in it from a squeeze bottle and swish it all around and then empty it into the toilet. Well the other day at work I put the water in, swished happily but then my hand slipped and a torrential rain fall of poopy water rained all down the inside of my work pants and underwear.

Needless to say I went home right after that for a shower and change of clothes.

I am now officially a POOPY PANTS!

Oh well, if weird stuff like that didn't happen to me what would I blog about?

Stay tuned faithful readers, I'm about to go on vacation and I'm sure I'll come back with lots more!