Almost There...

I’ve managed to make it through this pregnancy with very few complications. But I did have my little emotional breakdown the other night at home.

I need to back up a little to let you know that I’ve learned that pretty much no matter what is happening to your body it is “normal” during pregnancy. 

Oh you get bad headaches? That’s normal. Oh you are all swollen up like a blimp? That’s normal. Oh you have sore hips and walk funny? That’s normal.

I think even if I keeled over with blood leaking out of my eyes someone would tell me that it’s normal and it’s because of hormones. The sad part is I can’t even delude myself into thinking that after baby arrives that the hormones will stop with their craziness.

One of the wonderful things hormones do is change your hair growth. Some women experience glorious and shiny locks when they’ve only had hair that is dry and limp. Some women experience body hair that gets darker and thicker. And some women (this is the category I fall into) apparently get weird old person hairs that are white/clear but grow really long and in random places. 

The other night I was lying in bed talking to my husband and he got quickly distracted and grabbed at a hair that he noticed was on my face. It was about an inch long and pretty much clear but thanks to my lamp behind me it was very noticeable. I would like to tell you that one hair would not have sent me over the edge. Earlier the week before he had found a crazy old man hair in my eyebrow and the week before there was one on my tummy. But I’m probably lying – I’ve been extra tired lately and that one hair probably would have been enough.

I started laughing and crying at the same time. So ridiculous. And that’s when I came to the realization that before this pregnancy was over I was going to wake up and see something truly terrifying in the mirror.

• Pregnant woman waddle so I’m walking funny plus my feet and ankles are swollen and I’m feeling about the size of a house.
• So much nose congestion and the baby pushing on my diaphragm that most days I sound like I’m snoring while I’m awake. And at night well – I’m getting back at my husband for his snoring.
• Weird long hair growing in random places.
• Feeling awkward and when I move it’s not odd for me to make weird noises when I have to bend down for something or reach for something. (Lots of grunts and weird wheezing sounds.)
• And what’s really nailing it is that I would love to have a drink! Like a Christmas drink..with alcohol in it.

Add all that stuff up and guess what is going to be staring back at me in the mirror?!

We all know it’s true but I like how my hubby keeps being supportive and telling me I’m beautiful. It’s probably because he’s afraid of me.

On another note – we attended a labour and delivery/new baby course a couple of weeks ago. Got some good information out of it. Got some information we’ll be totally ignoring out of it. Going through the stages of labour it was nice to know what to expect and when to start heading to the hospital. It was not so awesome to hear that vomiting and shaking from the pain is normal. We kind of felt like vomiting and shaking right then and there.

My scar continues to do fine. I have very little sensation in that area so the stretching is not causing me any major discomfort. 

And as my stomach is getting bigger I have to say I can’t imagine how I would have managed if I still had my ostomy. I’m sure women out there have done it and have managed wonderfully. I can’t see my feet so I don’t know at all how I would manage to empty an ostomy bag without creating a giant mess. I’m not feeling sorry for myself though – on one of the support groups I’m a part of a woman asked the group if we had any suggestions for emptying a bag one handed because she had a stroke and really didn’t have fine motor skills on one side of her body.

A huge kudos to the women and men out there who have an ostomy and are struggling with weird infections or other health issues that makes everyday life even harder than just pooping out your stomach. Which by the way sounds like a cool party trick but no one wants to see it.

Hello little bean

It has taken us a long time…but we are finally 9 weeks away from adding a new little addition to our family.

I think it was a combination of me being healthy, being on no medication for the last couple of years and great timing. I should probably also add in a night of drunken revelry…

And boy this baby doesn’t know how lucky she is! Thanks to surgery that eliminated much of my intestinal tract she has a roomy bachelor like no other baby out there. Well except for my fellow surgical patients. I’m sure she has a disco ball in there, leather couches, a flat screen TV…and if she doesn’t have all that I can guarantee you that she has a full size kung fu training facility. I know this for a fact because I’m front row while she’s practicing for the sequel to Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon. Although why she has to use my bladder as her kicking target I don’t know.

I currently take as many vitamins as I used to take medication. When you don’t have a lot of space to absorb vitamins and nutrients you take extra folic acid, extra vitamin D and I tested very low in hemoglobin so I’m on two iron pills a day. I know in many people these pills cause constipation but not in my case. I scooted through the diabetes test…normal is up to 7.7 something-or-others and I tested 7.5. I told my doctor all that mattered was I passed. I’m not usually a C- student but I’ll take it!

I don’t know if it’s a sign of how much of a wuss I am but I’m really, really open to having pain medication during labor. Maybe it’s that for years and years I was in constant cramping pain and now that I don’t have it anymore I’m not in a rush to experience it again. I will give it a go and see – maybe it’s not as bad as everyone says it is. But I have a feeling me and my epidural are going to be good friends.

My stomach scars create their own interesting complications. Because of internal scarring our doctor would like to avoid a c-section if at all possible. The scar tissue could create serious problems both with the procedure and with my healing later on. I also have a keloid scar from my last surgery – which means a larger/pink unhealthy scar rather than a nice regular scar. It runs the entire up and down length of my tummy and can cause me pain as my stomach expands to accommodate the baby. I haven’t had any of it so far but I can chat with my doctors about elective surgery to help with my scarring after baby comes. This scar also means that instead of a cute round tummy like most pregnant ladies have…I have a cute round tummy with an indent that runs all the way down the middle.

As I told my doctor – I have taco baby tummy. I know that I notice it way more than others would. But it’s a weird shape.

So I would like to wrap up today by saying that I have had an incredibly easy pregnancy up to now. I have had no morning sickness, no swelling of hands or feet, been sleeping okay, no weird skin things going on, no weird food cravings and except for migraines in the first three months no headaches either.

Do I love being pregnant? Love is a strong word. I don’t hate it, but I’m more just getting through it and excited for baby to come. I have already started my list of things this baby owes me for:

1.       Missing all of patio drinking season this year.

2.       Missing all of Christmas party drinks this year.

3.       Making my chest even bigger than it already was.

4.       Sciatic nerve pain in my right hip which will not go away until baby comes.

5.       Sneezing/peeing at the same time…and usually nowhere near a toilet.

6.       Feeling large, awkward and generally not being able to go up a flight of stairs without stopping to take a breath.

(You know you’re big and awkward when you’re actually hoping your husband will put both hands on your butt and give you a big push cause that would make getting out of bed way easier!)

Another bum exam done and done

Warning, today's blog is slightly graphic and probably disturbing to most readers. That being said I encourage you to keep reading - cause otherwise what's the point?

Today's phrase of the day - "pre-lubricated rectal tube". Okay technically that was the word of the day on Wednesday but I'll get to that in a minute.

First I'd like to address a concern that was brought to my attention via a work friend. Her husband actually has this insane crush on me and I totally can't blame the poor guy so I'm stringing him along as my just in case dude. Brent buddy - this is for you.

I understand that some people (insert Brent's name here) were disappointed when I didn't update my blog more often when I was home from work for three long wonderful months at the end of 2011. I understand some people's (Brent's) confusion - I mean I had nothing to get up and leave the house for, nothing but daytime TV and books to keep me occupied during the day, couldn't even wear a real pair of pants because the waist band hurt. Well that is the answer to the question of why the blog wasn't updated more often. I don't leave the house, I become BORING!

I totally could have updated everyone in blog land the same way I updated my husband daily - "look I cleaned out the towel cupboard upstairs" or "I totally organized the pantry alphabetically and by baking, regular eating and random stuff." Or maybe my personal favorite "on Stephen and Chris today I learned how to make a vegetarian gravy from scratch that looks amazing!"

However, and this could just be my marketing and journalism background talking, I think that would have affected my readership in a negative manner.

So to all those people (Brent) who want to read more about my adventures - read on because today's blog post will test your loyalty to this page!

I had a check up today with my gastro - a sigmoidoscopy to be exact. It's a quick and uncomfortable procedure where a camera that looks like this:

is jammed into your butt hole about 5 inches in and then removed slowly so that your doctor can examine the inner lining of your lower bowel. For me today they were looking to see if I had any signs of disease and if my reversal was healing properly.

Before you go for one of these procedures you need to take a...drum roll please...ENEMA! Yes, two hours before you go to through the procedure you squeeze some fluid up there to do a little flush of the system.

The enema fluid is available over the counter at pharmacies, no prescription required.

Off I go to my local grocery store/pharmacy and hit the antacid/laxative aisle to look for what I need.

I was fooled a bit by the image of it on the shelf - besides having the word ENEMA in letters large enough that I was pretty sure the lady two aisles over could read it- the box looks harmless enough.

Oh but wait fair readers, I pull it off the shelf and then I hear a "what the?" from my husband. Turn the box to the side and the instructions are posted on the outside of the box. Which wouldn't be so bad if you didn't have to see these instructions in graphic images to go with it!!

That first position is called the Sims' position. The only Sims I had ever heard of was those little make believe computer people - but no this is an actual medical term and is defined as the following:

a position in which the patient lies on the side with the knee and thigh drawn upward toward the chest. The chest and abdomen are allowed to fall forward. Left Sims' is the position of choice for administering enemas or conducting rectal examinations. Also called semiprone side position.

I think that kind of graphic imaging should be on the inside of the box on a piece of paper. Personally. I'm just sayin...

Besides the horrible pictures as you continue to read on the instructions say "remove protective cap from pre-lubricated rectal tube before using."

In that instant as far as the husband was concerned pre-lubricated rectal tube was the word of the day.

I just threw the damn box into the shopping cart and looked at him and said "I deserve better than this."

This morning I was re-reading the directions on the box to make sure I knew what I was supposed to be doing and believe it or not the manufacturers of the product have actually trademarked the name of their rectal tube - it's called a COMFORTIP TM.

Nice hey!

I will say that I've had to do a lot of awful and uncomfortable things since being diagnosed and this falls well short of what some of my worst experiences are. Besides being a bit uncomfortable it wasn't so bad. At least I didn't have to drink any rocket fuel. On the downside I don't know what they "pre-lubricated" with but it has the staying power of gum off hot cement on the bottom of your shoe. I just had a bath and I'm pretty sure I still didn't get it all off of there.

Waiting in the hospital waiting area my husband and I were joking around and laughing about the procedure. I mean only someone like me I suppose thinks it's funny that I'm going for a bum scope and I'm in day room #2 and I was his #2 patient on the roster.

I did ask my nurse if we were going to be in Theatre #2 and she laughed and said that he usually does use that room but today we were in number 3 and I couldn't think of anything bathroom related about the number three.

I did however pass on a piece of enlightened discussion that my husband announced to me while waiting - "hey I just realized that Dr. T is like a golfer - he gets through 18 holes a day!"

Good thing Dr. T has a sense of humor.

So - to wrap things up my incision is still healing but very slowly. This is mostly thanks to my medication which is an immune suppressant and affects things like healing.

Here's the latest photo opportunity for you - enjoy and if you live close enough and know me well enough if you print it off I'll autograph it for you. Oh and by the way, Dr. T is very happy with how well things healed, he says they look great and he's very happy. Score a point for team Potty Posse!

I have a follow-up with my surgeon on February 13 and I will keep you all updated. Until then, I leave you with this pearl of wisdom: You can save money in a lot of ways but it should never be by buying cheap toilet paper.

What was I thinking?

It is freakin' cold around here right now. And what am I doing? Getting ready to get out of bed and go to work. Definitely didn't think out this medical leave right. "I'll start at work the beginning of the New Year." "It will be a fresh start". I'm an idiot. It's minus 40 something with the wind chill and I'm going to have to get out of my nice warm bed and get dressed and drive in to work.

It could be worse of course, I do have heated underground parking at work and a nice cushy office but still.
So it's been two weeks to the day since I went back to work. How is it going? Good! At least I think it is.
The first week back was a 4 day week and the novelty of being in the office was kind of nice. People were excited to see me or they were at least putting on a good show of being excited to see me.
Then week two rolled around. Funny how after time off the second week back is harder than the first. Not only was it a full five days (which is a lot when the most you do for several months is go grocery shopping for a couple of hours in a week.
By Friday I felt like my brain had been run through a cheese grater.

I also went swimming without Chuck for the first time this month. It was AWESOME! I like going swimming. Makes me feel like I'm on holiday even when I'm not. And swimming without an ostomy was a joy. When I went swimming with him I was constantly worried. Is he sticking on? Is my swimsuit top riding up and people can see it? I made the mistake of a bit of horseplay with my sister in a pool in Florida and it managed to get knocked around and unstuck and that was the end of swimming for me that day.
Then when you get out of the pool you have this spot on your stomach that just doesn't dry like the rest of you. You can choose to blow dry your pouch until it's not soaking wet but that takes a long time and you kind of have to be flashing it around to do that. Or you can get dressed and wander around with a giant wet spot on the front of your shirt which looks weird and is darn uncomfortable.

I also spent some awesome quality time in the hot tub, something I haven't done since I got Chuck because the hot water made him not sticky and kind of angry.

This past weekend I went back to the gym and went for my one hour step class. I haven't done anything except light yoga for three and a half months so I was pretty nervous that I was going to spend most of the class with my head between my knees trying to not vomit. But I rocked out on the baby step and I killed it if I do say so myself.
The best thing about working out Chuckless? I have some control over bathroom time. When you have an ostomy you can control how it empties a little bit by your diet and when you eat. But that's about it. When it decides to fill up you have no say in the matter. And when do your insides get working the most? When you do physical activity. And when you're scared I guess...
So I did a whole class without my ostomy bag filling up to the point where I had to leave class and empty it. I also didn't worry that any of the twisting or movement would cause any problems with it sticking.

In all I'm really enjoying my new Chuck free lifestyle.
I am getting a lot of questions about what I can and can't eat. I can eat anything, but I feel best when I follow a pretty strict food plan. A lot of lean meats and vegetables, definitely breakfast, lunch and dinner with snacks. If I'm going to have grains then whole grains are best. That's the diet most of us should be following but I notice a huge difference when I do it simply because the digestion train in my body has way less tracks to cover.
If I eat beets at 6 p.m. beets are leaving the station by 8 p.m. And if I'm not careful they're leaving the station in a hurry.
By carefully watching what I eat I don't have to take any anti-diarrhea pills unless I'm not feeling well or I'm attending a special event. I know a lot of post-ostomates take them daily but I don't.

I have a scope next week - sigmoidoscopy - just to check and see that everything has healed well and that I have no signs of illness in there. I feel amazing, but I'm always nervous about what they're going to find. I don't know if exercising, being careful how I eat and taking good care of myself will make much of a difference in the long run but I know it sure can't hurt. I am on a mission - a mission to not have to go through surgery ever again. Hopefully with the advancements in medicine and a focus on my health my zombie tummy has seen it's last slice.

Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming

Wow, last weekend of November already but I have to say that things are progressing really well. Home care has been wonderful and I have a new photo of the "Zombie Tummy"...it's more like a little ugly tummy now. Kind of like the ugly duckling, misunderstood.

I'm slowly getting into the routine of what things will trigger an upset tummy and send me racing for the bathroom. Things work slowest and best if I manage to get some good whole grain carbohydrates in my system first thing in the morning. I imagine my digestive tract is like a highway system...but now mine doesn't have any traffic lights on it making the trip much much quicker.

For example, the other day I gave myself a panic attack in the bathroom. It appeared that I was bleeding profusely and I was confused and couldn't figure out what had gone wrong. I had been feeling good and had no bleeding or issues since I came home from the hospital so why now 6 weeks later? After fretting and worrying about it for about an hour it suddenly dawned on me that I had tomato soup that day. If something brightly colored goes in, it comes out looking brightly colored.

If you don't know what I'm talking about picture what happens after a normal person eats a whole lot of beets. Usually the next day you go to the bathroom and you're like "What the?" cause your number two is brightly colored. Well for me that transition happens more frequently and within about 2 hours depending on what I've eaten.

I've started practicing yoga again. Slowly and not doing a lot of the "laying on the stomach" positions. I still have a very hard time laying on my stomach or putting any pressure on it whatsoever.

I'm also very sore around my Chuck hole. While my incision was healing I ran into a problem called hyper-granulation. It's where the skin gets a little too ambitious and starts to grow way too fast and too much and you get this weird blistery looking spot on your cut. It's apparently very common and nothing to worry about it, but in order to kick start your body into doing what it's supposed to again instead of being over eager they use silver nitrate and burn the skin back to start the process over more slowly. Silver nitrate is the same stuff they use to burn off warts.

It stings a little bit but I really had hardly any discomfort considering how numb all my incision areas are. Now my Chuck hole is sore though because it had to be burnt a few times so the outer healthy skin tissue was slightly affected so it stings a bit if it's touched or if I move around too much.

So what have I been doing to keep busy? I've read over 10 books since I've been home. I also baked my husband a golf cupcake birthday cake. My closets and cupboards are crazy clean and there is always something good for supper when the man who's bringing home the bacon gets home. Which I think he appreciates.

I've had some serious struggles with Employment Insurance this time, things that didn't happen last time I had to use it. It's hard not to pick up the phone and scream at the poor person who picks up the phone on their end. It's not the call center person's fault that they decided I had to wait an additional 4 weeks before receiving any benefit and that my first benefit check would not be a full one because I got paid for out of pocket expenses. Insert angry face here. Oh well, if it was easy I guess everyone would be on EI all the time.

To wrap things up, my incision is almost closed and the thing I'm most looking forward to trying is - SWIMMING! Swimming with an ostomy is totally doable and lots of people do it all the time. I am very much looking forward to swimming without a pouch, not having to worry about that wet pouch while I'm trying to get dried off and into my clothes and not having to worry about a bump that might dislodge the bag and fill the pool with poop. I'll let you know how it goes and I'll also keep you up to date on the rest of my days off go!!

The road to recovery

This is your digestive system.

This is your digestive system with Crohn's Disease.

I had surgery three weeks ago on Tuesday. I was in the hospital for 5 days - and if I had stayed one second longer I would have murdered someone and I would be writing this blog from a jail cell. If inmates are allowed to have computers - and internet access - which I'm sure they're not.

I want to tell you - MORPHINE AND THE Patient Administered Dosing system-ajiggy - BEST THINGS EVER INVENTED! Last time I went through unbearable pain and didn't even open my eyes for two whole days. This time was much much better. Probably a combination of me being super healthy before surgery and the better pain management.

I had a great team of surgeons and wonder of wonder - lovely student nurses! During the week the 3rd year RN students were working at the hospital and each of them got 2 patients only so you get a lot of undivided attention. It was lovely, my nurses this go round were wonderful.

My first night there was sucky, I had a room mate who was overflow from orthopedics and she was throwing up and yelling and farting all night...not even a tiny exaggeration. She got moved and my new room mate was wonderful, a lovely lady who had gastric sleeve surgery for weight loss. We got along great. She went home and I got a night to myself and on my last night another room mate but she was older and pretty okay. I think I probably kept her awake more than the other way around.

My advice to anyone about to go through this surgery - get diaper rash cream and the softest most wonderful toilet paper you can buy. I even have wet wipes that are flushable. If you have not used that particular outlet before and suddenly after having no food for several days it turns on - you won't be wiping, you'll be dabbing. And often. And the doctors won't give you anything to slow that train down.

As one of my doctors told me after a night of zero sleep "the bowel is like an athlete, it has to be trained."

Finally after about a week and some good solid food and getting home things have slowed down and I'm not screaming like an infant with the worse case of diaper rash you've ever seen.

I do have one complaint - same scar - half the number of staples and what does this equation add up to? My incision has ripped open and I have a surgeons appointment tomorrow to figure out what to do about it. The staples are out. They migrated and moved out of the incision and weren't doing any good.

Funny story - see that big hole in my tummy on the right hand side? The nurses tried to tape it closed (which isn't possible because there's no extra skin there, it's just a hole to fill in where Chuck used to hang out) and when I complained that it was hurting me the way they were tugging on my gut they said....wait for it....if we don't tape this closed you're going to have a big scar.

EXCUSE ME? Are you missing the railroad tracks that run vertically from my boobs to panties? Granted some vain individuals would probably be freaking out if they end up with a scar like this but I'm going to tell people it's either a bullet wound or a shark attack. Both way more exciting than the truth.

I don't have a lot else to talk about right now, my days are a haze of codeine, tylenol, daytime television and napping.

I did manage to read two books though so that is awesome. As I'm feeling better I'll be able to start doing more. Right now I shower with a bath chair cause I can't stand up for long periods of time without getting woozy and falling in the shower is not something I'm interested in doing. I go up and down the stairs at home but as little as possible. And I've finally been able to start blowing my nose and coughing a little - but sneezing is still absolutely out of the question.

Oh and things are finally starting to be funny - laughing hurts like an SOB for quite a while after.

Anyway stay tuned and here are some pics of hospital me for your entertainment!

Right after surgery - that black cord and button were my morphine pump and button - my MAGIC button.

They check your incision by drawing awesome maps on the bandages. They write a time on it so the nurses and doctors can see how badly it's bleeding and where.

Me with some awesome flowers sent by my Calgary work team

Me recovering at home with one of my constant nurses!

I just passed my pre-admission!

It's crazy but every time I go to these things I feel like I'm about to write a test and I'm always so excited when I think I get an A!

This morning I had my pre-admission clinic. For anyone who has never gone through major surgery the hospital brings you in to check you over and find out "if you are healthy enough to have surgery."

So I was at the Royal Alex at 7:30 a.m. this morning and headed into my session. These clinics can last anywhere from 1 hour to 8 hours depending on your current medical condition and what surgery you are going in for. For me today it was 3 hours.

You start off double checking all your chart information, then you watch a video about surgery and what to expect in a room full of other people. This time I dragged my husband along - last time I went alone because I didn't know you could bring anyone.

I always like to look around the room and try to guess what people are in for...there was an older gentleman there with his wife, both of whom had a British accent and I'm pretty sure he's getting ready for back surgery. There was a guy there who looked like he had an illness from birth and he said he was going in for his billionth surgery (which I think is an exaggeration...but you never know I guess). There was a larger gentleman who I am guessing was going in for weight loss surgery and then in the corner was the last patient besides me.

It was like a flash back to a couple of years ago - she was horribly thin, pale, and I'm sure she's in to get the same surgery I had 2 1/2 years ago. I wish I could have gone up to her and given her a hug and told her that the surgery would be life changing and she had so much better things to look forward to.

But just in case she was there for a boob implant or something it's best that you don't do those random acts of hugging. Besides - I'm not much of a hugger anyway.

Anyways, I'm happy to report that the video was new - they've redone it since I last saw it. Then you get taken into your own personal exam room and today I had to have 1) blood work, 2) chest x-rays, 3) meeting with the anesthetic doctor, 4) meeting with the ostomy nurse, and 5) meeting with internist who talks about medications etc. That's over and above all the chatting you do with the nurse in pre-admission.

I'm going to skip the boring humdrum parts - good news I have my pink bracelet back again! I need to keep it on until surgery, it's so if I need blood they can identify me and identify my blood type.

Let's get to the good stuff. Last time I had an internist (doctor) who had an accent so brutal that I couldn't understand a word he said. Now I don't mean to sound rude but these are kind of important conversations and I think you need to insist either on lessons to dumb down the accent or get someone who doesn't have a terrible accent.

This time I didn't run into that...but you should have seen the anesthesiologist who darkened my door! First off his clothes were all wrinkly and looked like they hadn't been washed in about a year. So maybe he was on late shift at the hospital - but that didn't explain the major sweating issue. It's never overly warm in any hospital but I was afraid this guy was going to get my gown wet if he came anywhere near me. There was certainly no hand shaking going on!

Then he gets up to leave, turns around and his pants are falling down and his Joe Boxer boxer shorts are hanging out over the top and his shirt is so wrinkled it only comes part way down his back. SERIOUSLY? I am hoping and praying he is not the guy in the OR on my day!!!

Get past that speed bump and head to my last and final stop - x-ray for a chest x-ray. They do this to check for fluid to make sure you are not going to end up with a horrid case of pneumonia after your surgery. And who do I get? An x-ray technician with a lisp! It's kind of impossible not to laugh when he is asking if I was there for my "chetht xth-ray"...

So the countdown continues - one week from today and I will be under the knife and Chuck will be re-attached to my parts on the inside...

This is what I came out with last time - I was soooo skinny.