I just passed my pre-admission!

It's crazy but every time I go to these things I feel like I'm about to write a test and I'm always so excited when I think I get an A!

This morning I had my pre-admission clinic. For anyone who has never gone through major surgery the hospital brings you in to check you over and find out "if you are healthy enough to have surgery."

So I was at the Royal Alex at 7:30 a.m. this morning and headed into my session. These clinics can last anywhere from 1 hour to 8 hours depending on your current medical condition and what surgery you are going in for. For me today it was 3 hours.

You start off double checking all your chart information, then you watch a video about surgery and what to expect in a room full of other people. This time I dragged my husband along - last time I went alone because I didn't know you could bring anyone.

I always like to look around the room and try to guess what people are in for...there was an older gentleman there with his wife, both of whom had a British accent and I'm pretty sure he's getting ready for back surgery. There was a guy there who looked like he had an illness from birth and he said he was going in for his billionth surgery (which I think is an exaggeration...but you never know I guess). There was a larger gentleman who I am guessing was going in for weight loss surgery and then in the corner was the last patient besides me.

It was like a flash back to a couple of years ago - she was horribly thin, pale, and I'm sure she's in to get the same surgery I had 2 1/2 years ago. I wish I could have gone up to her and given her a hug and told her that the surgery would be life changing and she had so much better things to look forward to.

But just in case she was there for a boob implant or something it's best that you don't do those random acts of hugging. Besides - I'm not much of a hugger anyway.

Anyways, I'm happy to report that the video was new - they've redone it since I last saw it. Then you get taken into your own personal exam room and today I had to have 1) blood work, 2) chest x-rays, 3) meeting with the anesthetic doctor, 4) meeting with the ostomy nurse, and 5) meeting with internist who talks about medications etc. That's over and above all the chatting you do with the nurse in pre-admission.

I'm going to skip the boring humdrum parts - good news I have my pink bracelet back again! I need to keep it on until surgery, it's so if I need blood they can identify me and identify my blood type.

Let's get to the good stuff. Last time I had an internist (doctor) who had an accent so brutal that I couldn't understand a word he said. Now I don't mean to sound rude but these are kind of important conversations and I think you need to insist either on lessons to dumb down the accent or get someone who doesn't have a terrible accent.

This time I didn't run into that...but you should have seen the anesthesiologist who darkened my door! First off his clothes were all wrinkly and looked like they hadn't been washed in about a year. So maybe he was on late shift at the hospital - but that didn't explain the major sweating issue. It's never overly warm in any hospital but I was afraid this guy was going to get my gown wet if he came anywhere near me. There was certainly no hand shaking going on!

Then he gets up to leave, turns around and his pants are falling down and his Joe Boxer boxer shorts are hanging out over the top and his shirt is so wrinkled it only comes part way down his back. SERIOUSLY? I am hoping and praying he is not the guy in the OR on my day!!!

Get past that speed bump and head to my last and final stop - x-ray for a chest x-ray. They do this to check for fluid to make sure you are not going to end up with a horrid case of pneumonia after your surgery. And who do I get? An x-ray technician with a lisp! It's kind of impossible not to laugh when he is asking if I was there for my "chetht xth-ray"...

So the countdown continues - one week from today and I will be under the knife and Chuck will be re-attached to my parts on the inside...

This is what I came out with last time - I was soooo skinny.

The final countdown!

Anyone who went to school in the early 90’s will remember that song – it was usually playing when your high school sports team was taking to the floor!

So I have a little experiment for all of you to try – it can definitely be done at home. First of all I want you to go to your liquor cabinet and mix yourself several of your favorite cocktails and drink those down. Enough so that you’re a little bit happy and unsteady on your feet but not so many that you fall down or puke or anything.

Next go into the kitchen and get a Ziploc bag and a bottle of water. Now open the Ziploc bag and hold it around pelvis level and then in a seated position try to pour the water into the bag without getting it all over yourself and without dropping the bag. You have just tried to empty your ostomy pouch when you’re partying.

I attended the St. Paul Rodeo Beer Fest on the Saturday of the long weekend. Got a little tipsy and posed in a group photo with a bunch of Philipinos…don’t know who they are and I am sure I will only ever see that photo through the magic of social media if ever. Also got the idea for the experiment and a blog post.

But I’m not done there! I have received the go ahead from both my surgeon and my doctor to get the reconnect surgery. I had an appointment with my surgeon and asked him straight up – “so do you install some PVC pipe in there with a little plumbers tape and glue?”

I don’t think my surgeon thinks I’m as funny as I think I am. For those of you who want to know – they staple you together.

The official date of the surgery – September 27. I’m officially done work September 23. I’m officially no longer dreading that weekend because I don’t have to do the prep for it. I don’t have to drink the nasty stuff that makes you empty your insides like an atomic bomb has gone off in your tummy. I don’t have to have only clear fluids for 2 days and survive on jell-o. Just no eating or drinking after midnight the night before.

Last time I had 47 staples but I was 120 pounds soaking wet at that time 3 years ago…I’m more than that now. So will I need more staples to close me up? Probably. The surgery cannot be done laproscopically (I never know how to spell that word) because they need room to root around in there.

I haven’t had to go number 2 in the traditional sense in 3 years. I am telling you that first time will not be comfortable let alone trying to do that with a cut open stomach that is healing. I got some great advice from my sister in law though – a cup of coffee and a good book!

Stay tuned – my pre operation appointment is September 20 – last time I had some doctor I couldn’t understand (see post from several years ago). It will be good to compare this visit with last time!