Validation is sweet

I am late updating my blog. I had thought that after my scope I would be blogging right away about going in for my new surgery, how much time I'd be off work recovering and wondering if they would be double sets of train track scars on my tummy or just one set...

Alas surgery is not in the cards for me right now. Apparently I'm still very ill. That little tiny piece of colon that is just floating around in there like one of those inflatable highway signs is very inflamed.

And here I am, after being open and honest about symptoms and pooping and bum scopes...and I hate to even write about what is happening now. I am on some new medicine to go along with my biweekly shot to the gut...I now have to use...suppositories.

I don't know why after everything I've been through and everyone who has seen me from the inside out and all that I've shared with everyone out there in Internet-land why suppositories is something that is really bugging me but there you have it. And these aren't little either. At least I don't think they are. I've never had to take suppositories for anything before - but these seem like one small step down from a tank shell being shoved into uncomfortable places before bed each night. By the way - small note of warning to anyone who may in the future need to use them - make sure your fingernails are not long or sharp or jagged in any way. Ugh.

Anyway, on to the stuff that doesn't make me want to crawl in a dark hole and never come out.

I was confused as to how my little bit of insides could still be so sick. I take my medicine, I have no pain and no fevers (fevers being one of the keys to any kind of internal infection or illness that you may not be otherwise aware of) - nothing. I feel great. In fact I feel amazing and my quality of life has been better than I had even hoped for.

I mentioned to my surgeon at my follow-up that I was confused as to how I could supposedly still be so sick but feel so good. He just shrugged and said that if I was hooked up I wouldn't be feeling good but right now as this little piece of insides is decorative only I wasn't being affected. I take his word for it but still something tells me that I should at least know that I was ill.

I had an appointment with my gastro this morning and I HAVE HIM STUMPED! Thank you!!! I feel great, my blood work is normal, he doesn't understand how my insides are still so sick either. I'm sure most people don't look at having your specialist tell you he's not sure what is going on as a good thing, but it made me feel better to know that I wasn't weird for feeling like something isn't quite right.

I have another scope scheduled for June - 3 months after being on the new medication and continuing on with my injections.

On a side note - just got back from sunny southern California. It was beautiful weather, great fun and Chuck did really excellent. I will put in one word of complaint. LAX SUCKS. And on top of that the screeners at LAX that I had to deal with were not the sharpest tacks.

I had to go through one of the new full body scanners. No big deal, they're coming on line everywhere and I knew right away I'd get asked about my ostomy. The female doing the scanning asked me what that was and I said "I have an ostomy". Then right in front of the whole world at security she asked me to lift up my shirt.

My answer was "No...I will be happy to show you anything you want in private but I will not lift up my shirt here."

You would have thought that I had opened up my pouch right there and smacked her full in the face with a big ol' handful of poop. She was stunned. Then she asked me if I wanted a private screening, I said yes.

Then it took 5 minutes and another 6 security people before a manager finally came over and said with as much sense as I heard through the whole ordeal "So if she wants a screening in private take her to the private room and screen her."

With the way they were running around I thought the private room was in the basement of the airport or something but no, it was less than 10 feet away. So dimbulb 1 and her partner take me to the private room. I lift up my shirt and they both proceed to ask me what it was they were looking at. Drawing on a huge amount of patience I explained that I had surgery and now my insides had a different exit hole...even after all that still complete blanks.

At this point I'm starting to get aggravated but it's airport security and I'm no dumb bunny so I just wait patiently while they stare at each other and then again at me. Finally one of them says "well we'll just swab her hands for drugs".

They do the swab and one girl runs out of the room with the little paper thingy while the other guards the door in case I decide to make a break for it in my socks...and finally the first one comes back and says I'm free to go.

I am so happy that the Ostomy Association of Alberta (at least Edmonton) are working hard to educate security officials about ostomies and what to expect. I have no problems with them asking to see, or checking me for illegal items - I know people think of all kinds of crazy ways to smuggle illegal items over the border. My problem is when they look at me like I'm some kind of alien. These people work in a very busy airport and ostomies are not some weird 1 in a million thing.

My sister in law says that them asking me to show my tummy in the middle of security is the equivalent of asking one of them to take out one of their tampons in front of everyone. The mental image cracks me up and I'm sure if I had said anything like this out loud I'd still be in security at LAX.